We have nothing to fear but fear itself -- JN

Ever had a nightmare so real that you were scared to go back to sleep? Had a bad dream so close to reality that you wanted to sleep because consiousness in the middle of the night scared the shit out of you? Every kid has been there. Lots of adults too. Horror movies have that effect. Seen people pray before sleeping only after watching a scary flick. Well fear does make a lot of them religious.

I have made fun of a lot of people feeling scared. Whether it was a friend scared to jump of a height of 300 feet while bungee jumping or someone shouting at me for imitating the grudge ghost over phone. All of us have our fears. There was a time when I wanted to have none, to gain that special privilage of laughing at anyone's fear of anything. I conquered quite a few of mine- pain, darkness, ghosts, god, myself, being laughed at and lots of others. Somewhere down the line i realized i was fight a losing battle. I was always gonna be afraid of one thing, of feeling fear. Kind of ironic.

I decided then that there was something wrong in my basic assumption that fear was a weakness that could be eliminated. Then I thought about it and wondered if fear was actually worth eliminating. It kept me from doing a lot of stupid things for starters. For instance if I wasn't afraid of death, nothing would have stopped me from commiting suicide when i was immature and a little upset. I had always worked because of my fear of failure (work still sux tho). Fear had never crippled me, in fact it had just made me cautious. Unless of course you count that time when I mistook the frills of a hanging blanket for hands. I was in 5th standard and I stayed frozen for a while there. Of course that cured me of my fear of ghosts.

Of course I have done a bunch of whacko things to prove my no fear attitude. The bungee jumping with a broken hand, the putting my hand in an electrical socket to feel current, and a bunch of other wild stuff. Had to prove I could conquer it all. Not to anyone in this world, I dont give a freaking rat's ass what anyone thinks about me. I had to prove to myself. I was still afraid of myself back then. Sounds funny. Almost everyone is afraid of themselves. Scared of their potential or scared that they dont make the cut. Most even afraid to admit that to themselves. You dont trust whatever you are afraid of. If you are afraid of yourself, you dont trust yourself. Nobody is born knowing all there is about themself. It happens over time and if you do change, which you most likely will, there is more discovery to be made.

Fear will paralyse you if you let it rule you. Fear of anything for that matter. Keep fear as an advisor and you will have a weapon. The acknowledgement of it is the first step. The knowledge of your fear and anyone else's gives you a lot more leverage than most people believe. As for your scary dreams, they will be under your will too. I never woke up in shock from a dream where I died more than 5 times. Killed by zombies there. Just one of the dreams. I forget most though this one I never will. Played video games like crazy. Had sme wild serial killer dreams after that too. But then somehow I always knew they were dreams even when I was dreaming. If I can do it, then anyone can.