Last month

I came back home completely drenched that day. The continuous Mumbai rain was just plain irritating; I wondered why the recent movies made a big deal out of it. However today even that would not dampen my spirits. I had been promoted and the additional income meant some celebration. I began to make a mental note of places for vacations as I walked up the stairs. Anisha opened the door and the look on her face told me things were about to go downhill. “I am sorry” she started.

She had an admission for a course. A course in fine arts. I wondered for a second why she couldn’t do it in India but then I already knew the answer. I had always believed there was not much we could disagree on. Petty squabbles are one thing but on any major decision we were always on the same page. I guess life loves to surprise you once in a while. We were to be engaged soon. I was doing very well. I had hoped to finally settle down. We talked about it all evening and well into the night. At least I talked and she listened. At the end when I had nothing left to say, she looked at me. There was a sad smile in her beautiful eyes as she said “But this is what I really wanted to do”.

I gave up. We did not talk properly with each other for the next couple of days. She hadn’t even told me she had applied. She was to leave in a month, which made it just that much harder. It seemed just yesterday that we had met in college. Engineering. Why she took it up, I have no idea. She had no interest in anything but painting. We moved in together a year after college. She quit her job soon after and just stayed home. She would paint every day. The paintings were lovely of course. And it was not just me who thought that. I had always asked her to make a self-portrait for me but that she always refused. She said she would do it the day she became famous. 

Work was going well. I could always shut my mind to everything else as I sat at my desk. As a week passed by I began to reconcile with the thought of her leaving. I would never let anyone stop me when I set my mind to it but for some reason I could not bring myself to tell her that. I came from a not so well to do family. It had been a long and hard struggle for me to reach where I was today. I could understand how she felt about her dreams but then I still could not see her go away. Two weeks to go before she had to leave she came up to me. I could see she was in a mood to settle things. Before she could say anything I told her we would really need to start shopping if she intended to not panic on the day of her flight. She had the look of a soldier who is cornered from all sides with just a bullet left. And just as he is about to shoot himself, he watches the enemy surrender. 

As we talked that evening, she told me she herself was having doubts about going away. I told her if she didn’t follow her dream she would regret it. She had never imagined I would be on her side. Well, others may recognize you when you doubt yourself. It is not that they know you better than yourself. It is just that you may not see what you mean to them. The next week flew past very quickly. I had taken the last week of the month off. I wouldn’t be seeing her for a while. I wanted some time with her. 

We were getting back in a taxi from a dinner yesterday in the pouring rain. The weather had remained gloomy throughout the month. If it wasn't pouring it would be drizzling and that night was no different. It had been a fun evening and although she was leaving in just two days, I was happy. Happy for her. She was confused, didn't know whether to really laugh or pretend that she was going to miss me there. She was clearly excited about leaving but she knew how much I would miss her. Just as the rain stopped for what I felt was the first time in ages, the car swerved off the road. I woke up in the hospital this afternoon. The doctor told me I was fine, a few bruises and cuts but nothing serious. I asked him about Anisha. He was silent. 

I feared the worst but then he said she was alive and stable. I was happy for a moment and then he continued; she was permanently blinded. Now as the entire month ran through my mind, I sat beside her on the hospital bed. The nurse was pulling the curtains away. For the first time in the entire month, I saw bright sunlight streaming through the tinted panes. As my eyes adjusted to the deluge of sunlight, I saw Anisha stirring. She was waking up and I really didn’t know how I could tell her that she was still alive but her dreams were dead.